I’m bent on writing an entry which for once articulates how I exactly feel without sounding like a delusional bitter drama queen but it’s impossible. I am far too under qualified to convey the jumbled trains of wishful thinking in my head into anything visual or comprehensive.

I think I’m extremely messed up I’m quite sure I lost a screw or two so my brain might’ve caught too much wind to be functioning normally. I’m sure a a handful of people are throwing me sympathy hits now that I’m all distraught and merely clinging on to sanity but please try to avoid asking if I’m okay unless you belong in my social circle on the first degree. Don’t rely on Friendster for that information please. For god’s sake of course I’m not okay even if my hair is still pretty and my lashes in place (thank Dove and L’oreal) I’m going out of my mind I don’t even know what to feel anymore.

Like all other times, I am very easily distracted so that has been getting me by pretty well without having to slash my wrists or drink cough syrup to put me to sleep. I’m thinking of seeing a doctor for I don’t know what but I’m very sure medicine can cure my emotional baggage better than ‘friends’, somehow.

Ok money, might be getting a job at Raffles Place temporarily. Pays well enough for me to dare dream of paying of my debts with Starhub and maybe squeeze in a ticket for a night with KT Tunstall. I don’t care if none of my first degree friends are bothering to go. I’ll tag along with Nufail if I have to although we only exchanged less than 50 words since the first time we met.

My mother thinks that I’m chatting so much that my brain is now defunct therefore my inability to possess satisfactory grades in school. She has no idea my contact list looks like this:

I wish I can be more productive right now like throwing my 2 cents worth about Obama or Clinton and next year’s elections and the 89 year old lady from Kuala Terengganu who is campaigning for member of parliament or Thaksin’s return and his beef noodles or something but I cannot cannot cannot I’m convinced I’m insane.

So I’m having a fever and I haven’t showered since yesterday but I don’t care I need the luxury to feel deranged right now.